For anyone who has experience abuse in their childhood or even adulthood, making the decision to get themselves out of that situation is never easy – but it is the right one! This article discusses some of the issues that face people once they have removed themselves from harms-way.
Even after a person has left an abusive situation and have found somewhere new to live, where they are no longer harassed they will not necessarily feel like everything is finally ‘sorted’ in their life. Recovering from abuse can be a long and difficult process and one in which they may require support from others It is normal for survivors of abuse to feel a sense of deep loss, grief and pain due to the betrayal of trust they have experienced. A lack of confidence and lowered self-esteem are also common feelings associated with surviving abusive relationships. It is therefore important that the survivor takes time in healing from their abusive past, and do not try and rush into things. The healing process can take time and while some people may want to make drastic life changes immediately, others may want to take more time. Both are completely acceptable and it is important that friends and family are supportive in the persons’ decision.
Helping a survivor to set small, realistic goals which they can work to achieve at their own pace may help them to gradually work through the issues raised from their abusive past. After leaving an abusive environment, some people may feel isolated and alone when they return to an empty house each day. It is at times like this where people may begin to think that they were better in the abusive relationship rather than coming home to no one at all.
In some abusive relationships the victim may have been cut off from their usual support network of friends and family, so that when they are away from the abusive situation, they may feel that they have no one they can talk to or spend time with. In this situation it is important to remember that it may not be too late to repair relationships with friends and family, as the abuse was not the victim’s fault. They could also be encouraged to try new activities in order to meet new people.
After being in an abusive relationship it may take time for the survivor to gain confidence in themselves and their abilities. In their previous relationship, their partner may have had control over all the household finances and any decisions, no matter how minor they may be. This can result in the survivor finding it extremely difficult to make, what to others would seem, simple decisions.
Survivors of abuse should be made aware of how brave their decision to leave the abusive situation was and that this deserves a huge amount of credit. This along with any other achievements the survivor has made throughout their life should be built up in order to help them ‘get through’ the ‘low’ times they may experience. Some people may also find it beneficial to talk to other survivors of abusive relationships in order for them to talk about and share their experiences. Groups specialising in this area can help survivors discuss ways they have worked through the difficult times in their life, to share coping techniques and learn new skills. Further ways which can help survivors move on from their abusive pasts is to try new activities which they may have previously been prohibited to do by their partner, such as joining an evening class or joining a social group.
If there are children involved it is important that they too are given the support they need to adjust to the changes leaving the abusive situation will have brought. If the survivor has moved to a new area for example, the children will have to adjust to not only a new living environment, but also a new school and making new friends. The abuse they may have witnessed can also have a large impact on their well-being and it is therefore vital that they receive the appropriate counselling or support as necessary. The development of a ‘normal’ routine which is established as quickly as possible may help them to settle into the new situation quicker. Listening to children is also important and making sure that their feelings and concerns are understood and valued. Telling children that they are loved and making them feel safe and secure in their new environment will also help them to adjust to the drastic changes they are facing.
This article has been put together by the distance learning organisation Start Learning who are experts in home study. If you want to find out more about Understanding Abuse and Trauma or many other distance learning courses please browse their website: http://www.start-learning.co.uk
A good way to find out more about Understanding Abuse and Trauma is to sign up for a distance learning course on the subject. By studying in your free time and pace, you can gain the necessary knowledge while tailoring it to suit your schedule.
Kerrana McAvoy
Academic Director – Start Learning
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